Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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