you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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