well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
