sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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