Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
