I can tuck mytits in my pants
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize