Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
