He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
