Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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