my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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