I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize