Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
