tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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