Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize