I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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