Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
