He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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