fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You ruined the universe
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
