hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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