I skipped work to stalk him.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize