You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize