he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
