I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
