We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
