I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
