be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
this will be a night to untag.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
did you just send me my own nude
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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