I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize