You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
