Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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