Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
home. puking in laundry basket.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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