im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
