I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
