i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
