Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
