Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize