Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
