just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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