Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
