a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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