I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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