Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
