your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
