WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
