do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
