pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it was like eating out sand paper
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
