No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
