i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
