You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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