Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
