I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
