Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
