I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
