We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
