Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
