we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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