I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize