I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
