Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
