his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
