The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
