I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
