I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
