So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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