I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize