she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
