Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
