So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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