So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
