Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
