I molested 6 butterflies tonight
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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