My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
