physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize