You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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