Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
