You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
