I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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