how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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