So drunk its hurt
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize