Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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