its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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