Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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