I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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