it's like iHOP with fire
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
