Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
