Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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