So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
