oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
