I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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