I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just threw up on my dentist
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
