Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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