Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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