i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i think i just lost a toe
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
