I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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